Loads of mush.

First off lets just say that the day my little boy was born was the hardest day emotionally and physically of my life. At the end of it all, it was worth every minute. My labor experience was one left to discuss in therapy! So we will sum it up by one sentence. He should have been a c-section.

Beware, if you read on you are acknowledging that you are subjecting yourself to loads of mush, and sap. Also from this post forward if you are offended by the words boob, or crap maybe you should quit reading now....

Still there? Ok.....

Being a mom is weird, and amazing. It makes you cry at songs about love, life and children. It makes you analyze poopy diapers more than you care to admit. It has made me grow up, and love something more then I ever thought possible. Don't get me wrong I love my family, and I love my husband... but the love for your child is so different. It is something that stumps me for words. Thats not an easy thing to do.

Coen is a hair lord. He sometimes looks like Buddha, and sometimes Elvis. Most of the time I think he looks like me when I was a baby....



...with his fathers mouth and chin. I am grateful I procreated with a good looking dude. We made hell of a cute kid.


All looks aside... he is healthy! God gave me a healthy baby! I swore he was going to have elephantitis, or a rare disease. But no! He is good as perfect, besides a bit of a chapped bum.

When he was born I held him for 30 minutes before they took him away to do the weight, apgar and look over.


The Dr felt a bit remorseful for the latter part of my delivery so she went Nazi bitch on any nurse who tried to take him from me. I didn't weep, or anything like that. I just lay there with this thing on my chest. He was in me. He was the alien moving in my belly. He is what was going to change my life forever.





I love my time off! In the past i couldn't stay in the house for very long, I got stir crazy. Now days go by and I cant believe how much less I care about the little things that seemed to matter so much before. Although a bit of eyeliner and gloss do go a long way for a girls vanity. (not to mention squeezing into my fat pants a week post baby!)

I have been fine tuning my trial and error ablilites. What works and what doesn't. He is pretty stinking easy right now. I realize this won't last forever. I cant just lay next to him and take pictures of his little face forever.



I have been having a tough time with the thought of him getting older and bigger. Everything has been pretty close to perfect but this one thing hangs over my head. Jan keeps reminding me that there is so much to look forward to. I explain it like this: Have you ever been on a break from school or work for a bit and the very last day is bitter sweet? Its kinda like a months of Sundays.. or like the last day of your honeymoon. You are grateful for it, but you can't get past the fact it wont last much longer and reality will set in. Back to the real world. I don't like the real world. I like my pajama's and snuggle time world. I just need to let go of the inevitable and not spend any time or energy on these thoughts. He is mine, he is not going anywhere and even if he isn't going to be a peanut forever, he will still be amazing. Just louder, fussier, and probably a bit less floppy.

Morgan forgets he is in the room. She loves him, but it doesn't keep her from singing Simon and Garfunkel at the top of her lungs in the car.... when he is sleeping. She helps with baths, feeds him a bottle and kicks the dogs when they get too close.

She tells people to stop fussing with his clothes and blanket.. "he doesn't like it." She will enjoy him more when he is a bit bigger and less sleepy. I love when she kisses his lips and he makes duck lips in return.




So I could write a book on the last 2 weeks, but I won't. I have a little man who needs a boob...



till next time!

Go towards the light!

38 weeks pregnant. We are all set and ready to go. I am not working anymore, due to the massive lump in my mid section. He used to be squishy and I could work around him. Now he is a little person and I respect he needs to not be squashed for hours at a time with my job. Not to mention I am just pooped! I have my moments of mania, where I can conquer the world and all that nesting involves. But then I crash, literally. On the couch and can't move because I have over done it. I can tell he is ready too.. if only our combined needs were heard. He stretches and moves around a lot still. They say activity levels go down when you are closer to delivery. I beg to differ, he makes me jump when he tosses his butt or limbs around. I swear this child has his mamma's booty. He wiggles and sticks it out it kinda looks like a tidal wave across my abdomen. Its pretty amusing and creepy all at the same time.

We found out from the last few checkups that we are progressing. It doesn't mean it will be tomorrow, but it is good to know my body is doing what it is supposed to. We are 70% effaced and 1 cm dilated.

I have been hoping for a Halloween baby. As long as when he comes out there isn't any clowns, vampires or kitty's helping with the debut. That would be my luck, a hospital staff in full Halloween getup when little man makes his entrance! That not be what I would want to see first thing on this earth!

Jan is getting more and more excited. So is Morgan. Its just now to the point we just want him to be here with us. When we sit on the couch it just doesn't feel complete yet.

I pray for a healthy normal baby. I know God doesn't give us more than what he thinks we can handle. I have anxiety's about the delivery and how things will go when he arrives. I have an amazing support system and a great dr, so I know we are both in good hands. Prayers are always appreciated though ;)

I have such an appreciation for these beautiful fall days and time off It is easy to get caught up in all the planning and anticipation, sometimes it is nice to just to take a moment and count all my blessings. I know it's not Thanksgiving yet... but it doesn't take a turkey and some taters for me to acknowledge I am one of the luckiest people in the world! Despite some discomfort and lack of patients lately... I am a pretty happy with the way things have turned out.

Where is he at now?

I keep asking Jan "where is he at now?" What I mean by this is, in a few months when we are doing this, where will the baby be? We were sitting on the couch downstairs watching Greys Anatomy, and I ask "where is he at now?" I guess I am just trying to get an idea what life will be like in a few months (actually 6 weeks).

I love that Jan has had experience with all of this before. It helps tremendously. What doesn't help... uncertainty.

I am getting anxious, nervous, excited and scared all at the same time. I feel at moments that I can't wait another day to meet him. Then there are moments that I don't think I am ready, or that I know what to do as a full time mom.

I am a planner, and a bit of a control freak. I don't like not having any control over situations, especially ones of such huge significance! I have switched my prayers to him staying nice and comfy in the breach position so that the Dr will just plan a C Section. That way we have a day and time that we know he will arrive. This not knowing if, and when, and where is driving me nuts!

I just want him to be healthy and "normal". I want him to be a good baby. Not one that turns red and purple from wailing at the top of his little lungs for hours on end. He is such a good baby right now....

On a different note... my baby shower was wonderful. It was low key and i really enjoyed just hanging out with friends and family. We had it in a courtyard outside my cousins "tavern".













I was exceptionally exhausted that day with lack of sleep and emotions running high. I loved sitting with my loved ones and talking about my little mans soon to be arrival. We didn't measure, smell, or taste anything goofy. No games, just decorating a few onsies and patches for a keepsake quilt I plan to make down the road. Thank you to all who came to the shower, and thank you for all the gifts for our little guy. We are blessed and so is he. He will be a spoiled little boy!

We hope you are all doing well, and enjoying the change in seasons. I know I am! I have been cooking a lot. Chili, banana bread, cabbage burgers, apple crisp, oh my! Jan says I am trying to find things to do since my nesting started so early. I have ran out of things to do in preparation!

I will keep everyone posted on the weeks to come. When we find out more on the baby and his position we will have more of an idea of whats ahead for his arrival!

Take care!

Who hired the drunk secretary?

I often find myself looking around the room trying to figure out what I initially came in it for. My best description is that my brain went on hiatus, and my body hired a new secretary. A drunk one. She is clueless at times, but it can be endearing. Seriously mid sentence I will have forgotten what I even started to say.

So new stuff going on...


My 30th birthday was great, Jan and Trista surprised me with a "lemonaide" themed party. They had The Parthenon cater in. The weather was amazing considering it was in the middle of July. I was in bed by 10 with a belly full of cake, and new memories made.




Well our Dr appts are more frequent and all has been good. No diabetes, and we are right on track with growth (both of us!!!) The only concern is he is still breech, but we aren't worried about this too much right now.

I haven't been able to sleep as good as before. I can't get comfortable, and when I do I have dreams about things even Freud couldn't explain. Micheal Jackson trying to hunt me down, all the way to meeting art buyers fighting for George Clooney's fine collection. That doesn't even scratch the surface! What will life be like after all this "weirdness" subsides? Will I be so consumed with analyzing baby poo that I wont remember life pre baby?

I worry I am going to miss him being in my belly. I never thought I'd get real ooey gooey, but I have sold out. I love the reminders of his presence. I want to nick name him "boots". He does these waves across my stomach and often lands with a large boot to my side. Morgan gets to see and feel him move now. Jan puts a remote on my belly and it moves with his movements. Soon I swear he will be kicking my clients on the table during massages!








We have all our classes set up for the next few months. A siblings class for Morgan, and some infant first aid, and CPR. I am starting to feel the pressure to make sure things are good to go.

We have 9 weeks left. I am split on how fast it is going. As I said earlier, I am attached to my buddha belly. He is so easy to take everywhere... and I don't have to do much to make him happy. I know when it gets closer I will be ready. I think that is God's plan... to make us very uncomfortable towards the end so we are ready to meet our children, and not hold them hostage in our belly's forever.

This part of summer is a bit trying. I do hope this fall is nice and I will be able to enjoy the outdoors more before hibernating for the winter with my new family. It is hard being cooped up inside when Jan is working outdoors on the yard or the cars..



Speaking of cars, Jan and I made a big decision (yes Jan had a say so!). We traded in his big beast of a diesel for a new(er) Tahoe. Since he was just commuting in the pickup we decided to get something that functioned for the whole family. Hey at least it wasn't a minivan!! This way we can still pull things behind it, and have our whole family fit (don't forget the frogs (dogs)) We felt a little worried about our decision until we saw the ear to ear grin on Morgans face the first time she sat in the way back. She is in love. Jan is adjusting to not having his work truck anymore. He has came to accept that his pickup was getting a little tired, and has served its purpose. I guess we all are making sacrifices!



Here comes Husker season! We have an open invite for all to come celebrate at our home during the games... considering mamma wont fit into the tiny seats at Memorial Stadium!! We have our big screen down stairs and I even offer up my half of the booze.. but hey I will toast a drink with you come winter! Go Huskers!!!!

Baby room. Done.

First off thanks to my momma for all the clothes and baby items she brought last month. We weren't in any big hurry to get the baby room finished.. but once I saw all his things accumulating I decided now is better than ever.





My new goal in life is to get things done before I have cankles. Registering was fun, a bit disappointing to not have a "Baby's R Us" in Lincoln. So we hit Target for our first round of fun. Morgan had a hoot of a time. She was a big help. She was also the only non pregnant female for a 50 yard radius in isle 11-15 (baby isle). Jan was stuck in the isle of toys. He found miniature "CAT" toys. For those who don't know what those are, they are......

I have been buying diapers every few weeks so I don't have to spend a lot in the months when I am not working. I want everything done yesterday so planning is right up my alley! Speaking of working, it is going good. I am a bit worried about the final months. I don't know if new clients will walk into my office and want to turn back around when they see a small whale for a therapist!

So more about little man. He is getting so big! I am without a doubt feeling him all the time now. Sometimes little reminders, sometimes blunt kicks in the gut, and other times I think he is sitting on my bladder giggling hysterically. I really am learning how to love something that I can't really see. I feel like I am getting to know him better. He is amused with the pedicure chair. It jiggles him around a bit, and when it pauses he jiggles back. Jan gets to feel him a few times a day. Morgan hasn't got to feel him yet. I hope she does soon, or our child will have little poke marks all over. She likes to wiggle my belly and jab at him to respond to her reading books to him.

Now for the mush... I could never imagine going through any of this with anyone else then Jan. We are polar opposites, but he is what I need at the end of the day. He has more patients and is so much more laid back... Momma will need that in the near future.



I am nervous about screaming baby and feeling helpless. It is such an advantage that he has been through this before with Morgan. It makes things less frighting. Now if he only could take part of the responsibility in the delivery room....!!

The first 8 weeks in a nut shell.. actaully in a abode in the uterus. Part 1

It was a chilly valentines day, and I was wearing... just kidding. I am known to blab a few details too many so I will spare you the details. Lets just say Jan gave me a perpetual Valentines day gift. One to never forget.

We found out we were pregnant on March 1st. The wine wasn't tasting the same and I wasn't feeling myself. We had been painting all weekend and I decided to take a "pee on a stick break". I guess through all this trying to get pregnant I had thrown away the package and instructions from the previous test. I always imagined the day we found out we were pregnant would have been like in the movies. We cry, we laugh, we embrace.....

I was running around the house trying to figure out what one solid line and one faint line meant. I should have kept the darn instructions. So Jan continues to roll paint on the walls while Google pregnancy tests with taste of puke in my mouth. I got the 1-800 number to the place that manufactures the tests. They want to charge 3.99 to answer questions pertaining to their tests.

I made a quick drive to the store, Jan not stopping his painting for a moment.. he just had a sheepish grin on his face like he was truly enjoying this moment. He is known to let me run around in a craze and then he addresses me when he feels it is safe.

Tests all came back positive. I cried. I was scared.

So stick a needle in me I am done! Urpies, needles, no poopy doo's oh my!

Let me just start this off by saying this is what I wanted. No matter what I might say or how I might sound, we did and do want this pregnancy. I just was not prepared for all that comes with that first 12 weeks.

My Dr had me going in for labs once a week. We thought maybe levels weren't where we wanted them to be. So a few blown veins later and some prescriptions for hormones, we were back on the right road to growing a piece of... rice?

Fist ultrasound was exciting. I just wanted to have one healthy heartbeat. The night before I dreamed I looked at the ultra sound monitor to find a liter of kittens in my belly. I was relieved to see a little flutter of life on the screen. The tech let us know we were almost 7 weeks along. The baby was the size of a peice of rice.

How in Gods green earth could something the size of a piece of rice make me so sick, tired and emotional! I kept Keebler's crackers stock soaring for weeks to come. All for a piece of rice, that soon will turn to a large kidney bean. I wish they would find a different description of the size of my little tadpole. I eliminated a few things from my diet during this time. Rice, sunflower seeds, kidney beans, and grapes.

I couldn't sleep well, go number deuce, or move around without feeling like I was going to toss my Keebler's. In the mean time it was killing me not to scream our news to everyone. I'm not good at hiding things, so I just kinda hid. I stayed away form most social stuff, it was too hard being around drinking and loud music when I was feeling so wakeful and I couldn't partake in the late night festivities. I explain it like this: Imagine not eating for awhile, being kinda hungry and then sitting down at a great restaurant to watch everyone else eat and talk about eating for 6 hrs at a time. Not fun. Mamma not likey not being able to sip wine too :(

*Note* Not all will be so long and detailed in the future blogs. There is just so much to fill people in and so many people to tell that this keeps me from having to be a broken record. Bear with me people.

Now I watch Noggin, and eat animal crackers.

Ski trip I will never forget. I can't wait to tell our little nugget the story of Steamboat Springs when he/she gets bigger.

After a quick trip to the ER for an ultrasound we were off to Steamboat Springs CO. Back to the ER thing.. I woke up the morning we were supposed to leave feeling like something was wrong. All pregnancy symptoms were gone and I was kinda feeling cramping. I called my dr at 6 a.m. that morning, basically she told me that I wasn't God and if I was worried about the baby I needed to be flexible and find a place open to do a ultrasound. I guess she was right. There aren't techs lined up at 6:00 in the morning waiting for neurotic pregnancy women to come in... or is there...?

We got in to the ER quickly and they checked the baby. Everything on ultrasound showed up great. Heartbeat went up 20 beats per minute. It was a false alarm. Jan is convinced there will be many more to come. I was just happy we could get on the road and get this long drive over with.

So with my urpy meds with me ($20.00 a pill might I add).. we started our drive. When I say our I mean Jan's parents, my seven year old step daughter and 2 dogs. That is a lot of luggage, and pee breaks. I felt like a jerk but thankfully I got shotgun, front seat.

We spent the night in Alliance with my folks to break up the drive and drop off the dogs. Bless my husband for doing most of the driving.

So to get this entry done, we almost ran out of gas on the WY border. Down to what we thought were drops and fumes. There is no gas stations for miles out there!

We skied a bit, Morgan did great in ski school. We enjoyed a trip to the hot springs on one of the mountains. It had 4 different natural pools we could soak in while it snowed around us.









The condo was amazing, we had 3 huge rooms for all of us and a full kitchen and living room. Unfortunately the rooms also came with a party hearty group above us. It hit me how much things were changing and how much more it was going to continue to. I love giving baths, and saying prayers before bed with Morgan and daddy. It is a part of me that is new and undiscovered. What I don't love is the feeling of getting older and realizing it's time to grow up. Part of me remembered being the girl in the condo upstairs. Listening to loud music while picking out the perfect outfit before going out to paint the town.

Now I watch Noggin, and eat animal crackers.

My dad says "Well Nae, your almost done with your first semester now aren't ya?"

Size of baby this week






So one more week to go and I will be "out of the woods". Per say. I am feeling so much better! I am starting to not hate all the moms out there that go on and on about how they loved being pregnant. The only thing (besides hearing our babe is good) that I have loved up until now is anti nausea medication.

We went to hear the baby's heartbeat yesterday, Jan was running late (weird I know). The nurse couldn't locate the baby right away. I visualize quite often what the little shrimp is doing in there. Imagine with me.... Remember when you would be in the pool and you would curl up in a ball and push off the edge like a rocket? That is my visual of this baby right now. Enjoy it while you can kid, its not going to get anymore room-y in there.

Back to the nurse finding the heartbeat... Lil nugget is being a lil turd and worried me a bit. Jan was in the hallway coming into the room and the nurse then picked up the heartbeat loud and clear. I think it new daddy was coming and it needed to behave :)

It is feeling more real, and I am feeling more myself. Our first garage sale purchase put a little hop in my step. I have a feeling this baby will be a lucky little tyke. I feel pretty lucky too.

12 Week UltraSound. With noodle, or without?

So we have our ultrasound in a few days, I have been told we might be able to see the sex of the baby. I am hoping we find out, but I realize he/she might not be willing to exhibit it's goods yet. So I am praying for a healthy heart, and a healthy baby. Until then...

Baby is good, we couldn't tell gender yet. Not too surprised, I am just happy it has all it's limbs. She mentioned how long it's legs were (that is one of the pictures I sent) It looks funny to see such a big forehead and a very pronounced upper jaw and lower jaw bone. The little black dots under the back blobs (black blobs is the brain) are its eyes. Tiny, but they are both there!



Things are starting to feel more real now, and by the looks of those long skinny legs soon it probably will be feeling extremely real!



Thanks for the prayers,


12 weeks pregnant:

"Renee, now you are a really mommy. Not just to dogs neither."

Dear 2nd Trimester
Hello!! How I couldn't wait to meet up with you! I have heard so much about you. A lot of it is true. My you were worth the wait. Please continue to send me more energy, less nausea, and a less alien looking baby.

Yours Truly.
Mamma Lamma, and babe.


What a good last few weeks. We finally shared the news with Morgan. I wish I would have recorded every minute following the second she found she was going to be a sister. It will be something I will never forget. The questions, the statements, and the permanent grin were priceless. She is going to be a huge help.



I am driving by garage sales and its driving me crazy that I can't plan yet. I cant wait to find out what lil one is!

Im starting to pop a bit, pants definatly aren't fitting well.



I am at week 14 now and this is what the baby and I look like:

Is That What I Think It Is!?

19 weeks along. I have prayed, and cried and hoped all was well. So many things going though my head during this time. I want to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I don't want to consume myself with negativity, but I don't want to be naive to what can happen. So I pray. A lot.

Prayers were answered.

I have been in lakes, lodged a fishing pole into my gut a few too many times setting the hook.. I have ran a weed whacker for 30 minutes at a time. I have had dogs jumping on me. I have had a glass of wine (gasp). I have had moments of crying spells, and moments of hysterical laughter.

Now I (we) have news of a healthy baby boy growing inside me. Despite all my worries, he is resilient, like most buns cooking in the oven.

The weather has been amazing, which helps my mood on the days where I feel like I am getting a bit more clumsy and a lot less helpful around the house! I can still clean and things, but lifting and other tasks are getting tough. My core is now a lump of baby! He doesn't help with the whole balance and strength thing.

Speaking of lifting.. we moved stuff around in the house. We are getting things ready for the baby room and the guest room. Soooo that means we will be accepting helpers (errr guests) via over nighters weekender's down the road!

We set up the crib and started organizing. I got a bit choked up when the crib and changing table were done and Morgan brought in her cabbage patch doll to pretended it was the baby. I can't imagine not having Morgan around to celebrate all this with.

We were counting down the days till the ultrasound. We were looking forward to seeing if it was a girl or boy. I let it be know for a while I was really hoping for a little Jan.. but ultimately we wanted a perfectly healthy growing baby.

We went in for the ultrasound and I was excited and nervous. The second she popped the scanner on my belly I looked at the screen and HOLY BALLS! Is that what I think it is!!?? It was a hoot! The first thing you see is our baby, mind you not a modest baby at all. He was showing it all off, as the tech would say "there is no doubt there is there?" We saw for the first time, our son.

We watched him move and groove for about 25 minutes. I was just amazed the detail. He karate chopped me, he wiggled his toes at my bladder. He even fell asleep on a artery running beside the womb. He was comforted by the sound and feeling of my heart beat. His little head rose and feel with my heart beat.



I have been concerned about not feeling him move, but the way he is sitting and the way my uterus is positioned, I cant feel much. There is no nerves where he is at. He basically is cushioned by a big pancake, so I wont feel him till he is bigger.



And bigger he is getting! The tech let us know we will be keeping an eye on his size. He is in his 75th percentile for size. Big head, big belly, big baby. If he continues to be on the bigger side, Dr wont let us go over due date. Which is good news :)








Thank you all for the prayers, and support. We feel so blessed, as Jan says "It all feels so perfect.. like walking on air."